Lil Chandra is trying to read a book. Lil Narset wants to play! (yes I realize that this is canonically reversed). How does one solve this problem?!
It’s the no-look throw that really sells it for me.
ONE: what not to do
Snuck into the pre-release and it felt good to be back! Even managed to also do my favorite thing: pack gifting. Not-infrequently at these events, there are middle-schoolers playing with a long-suffering parent in attendance. I was playing next to one of said tweens who lost a game to truly epic mana screw, but did so in surprisingly good cheer. Especially when compared to a Benalish Tween. So I located his parent, mentioned that their kid was incredibly mature during a bad beat, and slipped them a pack of Kamigawa: Neon Dynasty. to give to their offspring. Upon receipt, the pack is immediately ripped open, and the incandescent joy of opening two rares AND a Tezzert floods the room. As one of my fellow 40+ peers mentioned, “We’re still trying to chase that high from when we were 12…”
Oh right, the actual Magic.
Well didn’t expect to cry today but…
One of my newsletters snipped a bit of an old essay (from 2013 about parenting). The whole thing is apparently behind WaPo’s paywall, but just the snippet I read was pretty moving. Author: Mike Gerson, a writer on religion and politics (and apparently parenting) who recently passed away.
Eventually, the cosmologists assure us, our sun and all suns will consume their fuel, violently explode and then become cold and dark. Matter itself will evaporate into the void and the universe will become desolate for the rest of time.
This was the general drift of my thoughts as my wife and I dropped off my eldest son as a freshman at college. I put on my best face. But it is the worst thing that time has done to me so far. That moment at the dorm is implied at the kindergarten door, at the gates of summer camp, at every ritual of parting and independence. But it comes as surprising as a thief, taking what you value most. . . .
I know this is hard on him as well. He will be homesick, as I was (intensely) as a freshman. An education expert once told me that among the greatest fears of college students is they won’t have a room at home to return to. They want to keep a beachhead in their former life.
But with due respect to my son’s feelings, I have the worse of it. I know something he doesn’t — not quite a secret, but incomprehensible to the young. He is experiencing the adjustments that come with beginnings. His life is starting for real. I have begun the long letting go. Put another way: He has a wonderful future in which my part naturally diminishes. I have no possible future that is better without him close.
There is no use brooding about it. I’m sure my father realized it at a similar moment. And I certainly didn’t notice or empathize. At first, he was a giant who held my hand and filled my sky. Then a middle-aged man who paid my bills. Now, decades after his passing, a much-loved shadow. But I can remember the last time I hugged him in the front hallway of his home, where I always had a room. It is a memory of warmth. I can only hope to leave my son the same.
Parenthood offers many lessons in patience and sacrifice. But ultimately, it is a lesson in humility. The very best thing about your life is a short stage in someone else’s story. And it is enough.
A new generation of giggles approaches
Not technically giggles per se, but raptor shrieks after being tricked into tummy time is a close second!
The Second First 60 Days
Well, number two arrived and it so it’s time to review my excellent advice from Lil Chandra. What has held up, what has aged poorly, and what doesn’t seem quite the same with five additional years of brain calcification and more back pain.
Read moreBook Review: I’ll Show Myself Out
The Benalish Momma was sent a book by one of her girlfriends. And–not for the first or last time–I promptly stole it and finished it before she got more than halfway through. It’s a collection of essays on motherhood & midlife by Jessi Klein, writer for a number of TV shows.
I highly, highly recommend this book. First, more books should be essays. It’s a lot more compatible for the parenting lifestyle, where sneaking 30 minutes of uninterrupted reading is quite the treat. Second, it hits the sweet spot of dealing with weighty issues but with humor and flair. Example from the text:
…I urgently flagged down one of his teachers. “Asher probably isn’t gonna wear his costume,” I whisper-screamed into her ear. “Don’t take it personally.” “Okay,” Sharon said, with that calm voice teachers use when they have to talk to parents who think they’re successfully hiding that they’re having a nervous breakdown.
Needless to say, this really hits the sweet spot for my approach to parenting & life. Just because it’s serious and important, doesn’t mean it’s not also ridiculous and hilarious.
I think it also has some really important pieces of fathers, despite having “motherhood” in the title. Some of the essays deal with What Clothes Do I Wear Now?, the post-partum Underwear Sandwich, and other things that I am sort of aware of in the abstract, but holy hell does it give me an additional appreciation for everything my wife puts up with. There’s a loose connective thread of the archetype of the Hero’s Journey that does a good job of grounding the work.
Amazon Link for your convenience: I’ll show myself out
A new adventurer has joined the party!
Welcome to Lil Liliana! The dark hair is almost as much of a surprise as Chandra’s reddish, but that does make picking her nom de planeswalker a bit easier. Plus I always felt like Liliana had strong “younger sibling” energy. That might even be canonical with her brother Josu!
On Indoctrination
For me, the best part of parenting is indoctrination. We talked about this with music, we’re getting close to Magic cards, but it’s also interesting what they pick up on their own. Since I do the cooking in the house (Benalish Momma, as a scientist, is an excellent baker but can’t get dinner on the table) Lil Chandra watches me cook a lot. And then wants to do what I do. With knives!
Like all things in late stage capitalism, Big Childrearing is delighted to sell you things interact with your child. I have found the following two things helpful.
cooking utensils (en francais)
Bought on an impulse, I was shocked by how utilitarian this is. The knife has a real edge, but not pointy. So it cuts nicely but is unlikely to take out an eye. The peeler is right in that sweet spot of satisfying and easy to accomplish: a.k.a. perfect for a four-year old. I tossed the finger guard.
Opinel Le Petit Chef Complete 3 Piece Kitchen Set,
kevlar gloves
These are straight construction-site kevlar gloves. But they come in tiny sizes! And while a bad grip can be more dangerous than just holding a knife, the gloves give me permission to hand her the knife in the first place.
policy
With knives came a new policy. “Is there a grownup that can help?” When using a tool that is potentially dangerous, Lil Chandra is instructed to always ask that question before grasping. Ask before picking up a knife. Same goes for turning on the fireplace. Fortunately, she inherited a double-dose of teacher’s pet recessives so this has been a breeze to implement.
On Osmosis
For the past few weeks, Lil Chandra has wandered the house singing under her breath, “We don’t talk about Bruno, no no.” This in and of itself is not that interesting, since at any given time ~35% children aged eight and under are singing songs from Encanto.
What is mildly interesting is that she hasn’t seen Encanto yet.
Read moreIn-flight Infrastructure
It was that time again to make the pilgrimage to Grandma’s on the east coast. Lovely trip–obviously any break in routine during a pandemic is nice–with an unlimited supply of chocolate cupcakes. Thanks Grandma! But there is the small wrinkle of keeping a four-year old occupied during the trip (and not fussing about the mask, or bored, or whatever).
First and foremost, screentime! We are pretty minimal screentime household. Which means that when you need (e.g. 6-hour plane flight) Chandra can do 5 straight hours of Octonauts with a grin. You save it for when you need it.
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Benalish Dad 